What you didn’t know about Relationships – Part 2: Purpose

In Part 1, we looked at the misconception on Lack of Choice and how to empower yourself to choose who you want in your life. Now, let’s examine the second most common misconception most of us have about relationships:

MISCONCEPTION #2

Most of us believe that there shouldn’t be purpose to our relationships, because having purpose is harbouring ulterior motive(s), selfishness. When we believe this, we are in a state of relating despite not knowing why we are in a relationship with the people around us: ‘I don’t know why we are still friends/lovers/…’ ‘We have nothing in common now, but we’ve been friends since high school…’

REALITY

In an earlier post, we looked at Intention, and how living with Intention can bring happiness and fulfillment in our lives. Within the context of relationships, intention is simply the reason why a certain person is in your life. A romantic partner can provide you emotional support, a colleague can make you laugh and relax when you’re stressed at work, a sibling can be your confidante, someone to turn to when you feel confused… so on. Instead of being damaging or selfish, knowing the because in our relationships is constructive and helpful because it enables us to understand how we create value and improve the relationship, and each others lives.

EXERCISE #2: INTENTION

Create Clarity – The 5 Cs & the Power of ‘Because…’

Every relationship can serve one or more functions or purposes in our life. Here are the 5 Cs, representing the 5 kinds of relationships which you should seek to create and maintain in your life:

1. Comfort: Life is full of ups and downs. It’s reassuring to have a person in your tribe who gives you emotional support, like a shelter in the middle of a storm. Maybe this person gives you a hug when you’re about to burst into tears; maybe he/she just sits with you, listens to you without judgement.
2. Chance: As we grow older, most of us fall into routine and our habitual patterns. But magic happens only when we step out of our comfort zones. It’s important to have someone who reminds you to brave, to take a chance. He/she is someone to reminds you to try something new, to step out of your comfort zone, to overcome your fears.
3. Clarity: Life is full of confusing situations that make for difficult decisions. It’s crucial to have someone who can help you see past the fog, to reflect things as how they truly are when you’re feeling lost and confused.
4. Comedy: Tragedy and drama is unfolding around us all the time. Having a person who goofs around with you, allows you to be silly, helps you see the comedy in tragedy can be a welcome relief, because we could all enjoy a bit of laughter in our lives. This relationship tends to be characterised by a quality of joy.
5. Creativity: As life progresses we forget or lose faith in the dreams and aspirations we once had. Having someone who is inspirational, amazing in what he or she does, and reminds you to never give up on your dreams can be like a spark, to keep your flame and passion for life burning when you’re low on fuel.

With the knowledge of the 5 Cs, think back to your tribe and your relationships with them. For each of these relationships, ask yourself:

• Why is this person in my life? He/she is in my life because….
• Why am I in this person’s life? I am in his/her life because…

Every relationship is an opportunity to help and be helped, the create value for others and receive value for yourself.

How do you want to help/be helped?

Here are the links to to the other posts in this series:

What you didn’t know about relationships – Choice Part 1

What you didn’t know about relationships – Change Part 3

What do you think? if you have any questions/comments, feel free to write me, I’d love to hear them.